Bit By Bit


After years of crippling expectations and harsh desires for myself to "plan it all out" and execute, I realized I couldn't.

No matter how much I tried, things went their own way.

No matter how much I pushed, things did what they did.

I am just beginning to inhabit this place in my life where I actually trust in not having a plan.

What happens next... we shall see.



Life has been so interesting these days and years.

In yoga the teacher said “dare to go slow” and the last three years flashed in that instant breath of how much has changed in my life and lifestyle since leaving my first college degree job in 2014, realizing none of what school prepared me for was something I actually cared that much about.

I wanted to be around people, love them and laugh with them and overall, have a good time learning and growing.

The hustle is too real these days for so many and the contrast I experience spending m-f alone, and occasionally dipping into community settings, has shifted my perspective dramatically. Not exactly Walden but these years off the grid of obedience and predictability have been the most fun.

A lot of this discovering has been painful but so very alive.

It all feels so damn beautiful.

The ugly, the confusing.

It’s a full serving.


I am full!!!!

Real Love


Real love is something so deep and energizing that you will not know it unless you experience it.

Love is an expression of energy not something that is transacted. Tell me one thing: can you love people when you meet them for the first time?

When I ask this question, people often tell me – But I don’t even know them! How can I love them?

This is exactly how you think.

Let me tell you - with a little bit of intellectual understanding and meditation, you will realize that you can love anyone without a reason, causelessly!

You can love the trees on the road. You can caress them and feel the energy flow from you. You can love people whom you pass by on the road without even knowing them. Love is actually your very being, not a distilled quality that you possess.

Nothing is as misconstrued as love is today. Today love is more of a transaction. If someone says something nice to you, you love him. Tomorrow if the same person falls short of it you don’t love him that much or you probably hate him. Even your lifelong friend, with whom you chat everyday on the computer, will seem suddenly not so close if he says something that goes against your approval. Where is your love at this time? It has suffered  temporarily! It is just games that you play; a game in which love and hate surface alternately and interchangeably. And this love-hate relationship is not love at all. Be very clear. It is simply your reaction to a person or a situation, that’s all. This is what we call love. This is not real love. It is subjective love, that’s all.

Real love knows no object. It is simply there whether there is an object or not. Real love is the subject itself. It does not know any object. You are the subject and you have become love, that’s all. Any object that comes in touch with it, feels it. Just like a river flows naturally and people enjoy it at the different places that they encounter it.

Real love exudes from a person and the people around him will be able to feel it. There is absolutely no room for conditioning in real love. The energy in you should overflow and express itself as love. It is then that you can break through the highly knotted boundaries of relationships and express yourself beautifully, as a loving being!

In order to discover the quality of your being, that is love, two things can be done. The first thing is to repeatedly listen to words like these so that they create a conviction in you about real love. This way a space is created in you for the process of transformation. Second thing is to meditate so that the transformation can actually happen.

Just understand this one thing. When you are able to love without a reason you will expand like anything. Your world will suddenly seem larger than life. It will be so ecstatic. You will become an energy source to yourself and to others. You will be so overflowing that the energy in you has to touch others. There is no other way. Others will be naturally drawn to you.  

- Swami Nithyananda

What Remains?

The people who surround me, the communities I find myself in, the laughter and silliness, the conversations I hear and take part in. They are so heart infusing.

I learn something in every interaction if I am able to actually be there as a present listener. Not caught in my own doubt or worries, missing the moment completely.

Not caught in me is key.

So much ripeness lives in Now and on a regular basis I am reminded of the simplicity that launches trust and love and openness together, turning ordinary moments into miracles instantaneously.

Can you receive this moment? Leaning back and accepting whatever is? Right now.

No more hiding. No more pushing away. No more blasting through to what you think is better for this moment. No more going somewhere else.

Being here, for this moment.

Can you not be in a hurry? Can you clear your calendar? Can you rest, right now?

You will miss all the true gold in life and wish you actually saw and felt each raw thing rather than focusing on what's next. Rushing, rushing, rushing, going no where fast.

It is a practice to be with. To stay anyway and remain and go slow. It is challenging and uncomfortable and foreign for most of us. But it is also, juicy and gooey and fun.

It is worth the discomfort to walk into and inhabit the things you *thought* were unbearable to realize upon entering its depth, You remain.

Love is still present. Laughter is too. Others wanting to help you, rooting for you. Fresh food surrounds. All stays well even after "you" destruct because You are so much more than what you believe.