No more professors. No more bosses. No one telling me what to do anymore.
Where the hell was I and who was in charge now? Was it me?
I had just left my M-F, 9-5 job to reevaluate my priorities in life. No job meant no income and I was slightly panicked. I had been working since I was 15, doing and saving, doing and saving.
I left because I realized that a majority of the people surrounding me separated living from their life. They were busy taking care of work with little to no time for themselves, wearing a lack of sleep as their badge. I always felt terrible coming into work well-rested and bubbly. I wanted to fit in and blend with the rest, I really did feel for them. I wanted to avoid "rubbing it in". When the thought, "Should I be miserable too?" came to mind, I knew I had to leave.
Unemployment was uncomfortable at first. I searched Craigslist every other hour for job postings, constantly reminding myself that I left for a reason. And that this reason was a pretty damn good one and if I did truly believe my life was worth living, I'd have to start acting that way.
Slowly but surely, I allowed a calmness to creep into my life. The art of being was re-emerging and although uncomfortable, I was recognizing how important it was. So, I started to practice being. Initially, I was both into and bored with it. Fighting off the voice inside my head tied to past recollections, future desires and future worries. It took some getting used to, but eventually I found myself experiencing such contentment simply being.
During this chapter in my life, I discovered how much I enjoyed going on morning walks through the neighborhood. Leisurely strolls without purpose. No intention of burning fat or counting steps. Just the cool, crisp air surrounding me, waking up my senses. The silence among the trees. Birds overhead singing sweet morning melodies. There was never any goal, expectation or outcome tied to my walks, leaving so much room for possibility.
I loved that each time I decided to go for a walk, I was reminded of how brand new each day really was. New plants in bloom, new interactions, new atmospheres. Everything around, completely new to me. My little reminder to slow down and take notice of the tiny miracles surrounding me. You miss that kind of stuff moving at lightning speeds.
The balanced body and mind needs rest and rejuvenation just as much as fuel, and each time we wake up we get to bring with us whatever we want into the day ahead. Or we can choose to leave it behind. It's up to us.
When I walk, I am reminded of all this. I watch the flowers dance together, stretching towards the sun. I hear the sound of leaves crunching softly beneath my feet. The birds up above soar in synchronicity, taking good care of the universe's best kept secrets.