Tonight we launch into our first session of SISTER ROOTS and I am a mixed bag of emotions. Ecstatic, nervous, contemplative, fidgety, calm. A whirlwind of love and fear, playfully circling around one another. The greatest adventure is starting something that the heart is deeply invested in. In this place I am cast into two roles: the lover and the critic.
The lover dances in excitement and possibility of what aligning with the heart can create. She is thrilled and committed to sharing and in this mood, the idea is born. An 8 week women's workshop. Write it down, put it on paper, say it out loud. The lover plants the seed, aware that with time and care, something wonderful will transpire.
The critic cringes when it comes to beginnings. It is terrified of being exposed and will continue to correct and put down the work at hand. "You should have online payment for anyone to take this seriously." "You're going to hold it in your home? How unprofessional." "You should prepare for a few more years before putting this out there." She thinks she's protecting me but really she is making things much more complicated than they need to be.
The lover swirls back into the forefront and a glimpse of the magic that will take place over this course fills my body from head to toe. Light, euphoric, warm feelings consume me and I'm listening. Keep creating. Don't stop. Trust.
The critic keeps design, communication and collaboration in mind, perfecting each move before the next is made. Focused on the fundamentals while projecting unrealistic demands to set this apart from anything like it. The pressure rising, the tension building, the mind chatter becoming out of control. I know where this is going so to remedy, I take action.
What puts Heather in her state, a place that thrives in creativity, compassion and connection? Go do those things. Writing is the last activity on the list that concludes Heather's Feel Good Startup Kit. Are the jitters removed? Of course not. Being fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire is terrifying. A nice phrase to see as motivation in your news feed, a whole new beast when put into action.
In the past, when completing some endeavor, the critic was the first to speak up. Taking up any room for celebration and reflection, immediately jumping to what could of been done differently to make it better. This habit has robbed me of the joy I deserve to feel. It strips it from my hands, focused on the next hurdle to get through. This is madness and I no longer stand for it. I refuse to let the lover of this work get trampled over for the outcome obsessed critic. If not this time, when?
This work is worth celebrating. These ladies are worth celebrating. What is going to take place over the following 8 weeks is, without a doubt, a celebration in itself. If I can remember the lover, the essence, the heart of this experience, throughout this workshop series, it will be the celebration of a lifetime.