Crap

Today I doubted everything.

I doubted myself and why I'd decide at 25 to try to create something meaningful, something so freaking dear to me, that not taking things personal when they falter is next to impossible.

I wonder how I'll make this something meaningful, Sister Roots, sustainable and financially functional on its own.

I wonder how to market what is taking place while being rooted in what I believe matters most. Make-it-quick schemes and crash diets appeal to our brain and how urgency translates to take action. Advertisers know this. Create a problem, something like, that you age. Design a campaign that terrifies you about yourself, creating fear, propelling the individual to buy. Problem solved. I get frustrated because the model I'm building is one for the long haul. I cannot sell you on overnight anything because I don't believe in it. I cannot pressure you into fearing that you suck, therefore motivating a call to action, because I don't believe you do.

I wonder how small businesses take off and stay profitable if integrity is their first priority.

I wonder why people prefer to hide themselves from their truth when they are presented the opportunity to be free of it.

I wonder if this age, with technology and information overload, will implode itself, leaving us worse off than before.

I wonder if social media is deteriorating the value of in person connection and the ability to uphold and maintain relationships in real life.

I always did well in school but reflecting back on it, I wasn't there because of the content. Look at so much of what was being taught to us, its ethics and use, comical once released "into the real world." What piece of it was I supposed to put to use? I was there because of who I might possibly get to know. I was teased throughout high school because I chose to sit in teacher's rooms and chat rather than mingle with those in the quad throwing hot dogs and soda bottles at each other. I was fascinated by relationship. How and why we connect. The barriers and accelerators we experience when getting to know someone or something. The perceived isolation because of a lack of openness being the norm.

We learned fear early on in so many areas and that was the founding point for why to follow suit. In church, we feared the consequences of not doing what the Book said. In school, we feared the failing of classes. At home, we feared disappointing our parents.

When fear is the center of why and how we teach our children, we have done them a great disservice. As adults we have not addressed how large fear plays a part in our lives and the raising of the littles coming after us and because we are moving faster than ever, we don't have time to stop and say, "WAIT A MINUTE. WHY DOES ANY OF THIS MATTER ANYWAY?"

I was raised by a super woman who very clearly understood life's shortcomings and heartaches and still chose to put love at the center and lead from there. I never needed to be someone else or do something better. I never feared the consequences. I never doubted if she loved me regardless of what took place.

When you build a business you are forced to look at yourself and to look hard. To check in daily and observe what it is that makes you, you and why it matters. Through this process, the highs and the lows of Sister Roots' growth this year, I have never doubted if I matter.

My core knows that no matter what happens, I matter and that's a pretty cool discovery.