The hours leading up to the first session of the 8 week women's workshop back in January, I wrote down a page of thoughts titled, "Brain Blurbs."
I wanted to get out everything- the crazy, the timid, the bold, the doubtful, the colorful, everything, out. Leave it on the page. Toward the end of my thought train came heaps of anxiousness and doubt. A lot of talk about the unconscious pressure I place on myself and nothing ever being enough. "Weighing. Weighing. Weighing me down. To push through. To get there, already. To excel and onto the next." Heavy chaotic chatter filled up my head and was taking a hold of all my joy. Telling me to "act professional" and "take it seriously."
But what comes after is key here *cue highlighter* "This cannot be my life's rhythm. I want to savor and taste, dance and sing, laugh and play, through all this /\/squiggle line of currents\/\ crap and bliss. After all, it doesn't really matter. It does. It doesn't."
We forget how powerful our words are and what happens when we believe. Put those two together and BAM! You'll find yourself sitting down, after a whole lot of playing and laughter, anticipating the magic that's going to take place with round two just hours away.
To the leading ladies of our first group:
Thank you. I couldn't of done this without you. Before you trusted me, I didn't trust me. I didn't know that all I really needed to show you was me, like really, just me. Week after week, I was prepared with a game plan, how to see it through, what to do if things changed (which they always did) and so on. What I came to discover was that you didn't come for the piece of paper. You came because you were brave and you believed in something beautiful. You came because you trusted that there was something more inside of you that needed tending to. You came because you knew giving vulnerability a try, just might, change your life.
Ladies, you held my hand and walked me through an experience I will never forget. You have paved the path to play that has forever shaped the way I see myself and how I want to create and share this work with the world. Because of you, I believe in this dream and tonight we'll continue making it a reality.