Isn't it the weirdest thing that what any stranger can see when looking at you, is something you won't ever see when looking at you? You would need to remove your eyes while keeping them functionally in tact to do so. You can't see the entire flesh and color of your own face as a whole, all at once, like anyone else can.
Self-delusion. Our sneakiest, most subtle form of getting off track and diving deeply into often painful abysses. About our irrelevance, our smallness, our definite-ness in this human body of destruction. Us. We. Everyone. Constantly decomposing meanwhile trying to grasp what the me, deteriorating, is.
It's a big feat, the journey of who you are and what it means to be here.
I thought these questions that fascinated me were, what you kind-of looked at, when you had the time. As I get older and obsess over living in these questions, I realize they are the meat of the meal, not the potatoes or the dessert... if you have room.
We need to begin here. Asking these questions and directly experiencing our own day-to-day lives while grappling, grueling, gloating and grinning every in breath in between.
The I, me and mine that speak for us from time to time are usually the reason we get into trouble because operating from this place alludes us of separation which instills panic from disconnection.
We are a giant rainbow web that includes everything. You don't just get to choose that the blacks or browns or women or gays or [insert label here] get left out. You don't get to make a rule that says "they have to leave" when there is no they. Doing so, as we often do, will bring about hurt and pain and confusion because we are not being honest with ourselves.
So, in an attempt to stay honest with myself, as best I can, I come here to share. A reminder that looking at the me I think I am, to "get" or befriend it, to show up, is why we're here after all. To sit with the ideas and draw them out, to tousle around, roll in it, get sticky and whatever else makes you feel slightly uncomfortable. With each sit, my tolerance gets a little greater and I can wrestle another big question on another day.
Ain't no body got the answers to the big questions and I've always enjoyed the story of being brave and bold even when you feel small and insignificant.
Big questions and tiny lessons. Tiny moments and big lessons. Learning the whole way through.