I don't remember much of what you must've felt, how you must've felt, with your Dad out of the picture. I can't imagine what such a young and vulnerable heart would of decided when, year after year, her father was incapable of taking responsibility for his life, enough to be a presence in yours. I don't know what you believed to be true because of his absence and I don't know how long it will take to learn that not every man is him. That not everyone is missing the tools and sanity to stand beside someone so wonderful, so beautiful, so infectious. I can't remember much of the sadness or pain that you might of experienced when Mom and Dad divorced. Did you ever really believe he could of stayed or if he did, that it would of been good for you? Did you know that, while looking out at what was happening, then? Did you feel scared or alone or confused? Did you wonder what it would mean to be without a father? Or did you stay focused on what was there? What you could experience by being you and with whatever you were presented? Did you wonder in your room if you were safe? If you were protected? I've heard that having a male presence around can help with feelings of security. I wonder if you were ever worried? Or concerned? For yourself or your sister? You did so much to protect her. Your Mom worked so hard to provide all she could for the two of you and being left alone with your younger sister, you must of felt some kind of responsibility? Did you think it was up to you to take care of her because no one else was around? Did you know that you were such an awesome sister? Did you know that the way you adored and watched her grow would lead you to create the work in the world you believe most in? I don't remember much of what you felt, but I want to. I want to hear the stories your heart has been hiding for decades so I can cradle you and sing you to sleep when it's too much. So I can make you laugh when it feels too much to bear. So I can love you the way everyone deserves to be loved.
I'll write to you again, soon. Okay?