Apparently today is Friend's Day (thanks Facebook) and it has me thinking about what it really means to be a friend to someone.
While pondering the gold posts of a solid friendship, I found it easier to start with factors that don't determine a strong bond. Here's what came up:
- quick response time
- agreeableness, sameness
- gossip (saying anything you wouldn't say to their face)
- shallow conversation
- canceling plans
- needing space
There seems to be a mix up in this culture around who we value in our lives and why, especially if what's governing our choices is finding the easy way. When it comes to humans and how we relate, no such thing.
So, what does this mean?
It means real friendship is hard, just like anything else worth while in your life. If you keep moving away from putting in the time and effort, you will be left with superficial lifestyles, friendships and experiences.
What makes up a good friend then?
Someone who allows themselves to be seen, as is. Someone who asks for what they need. Someone who is learning how to listen. Someone who doesn't try to solve or advise. Someone who has hard conversations. Someone who gives support and acceptance. Someone who speaks strengths aloud.
With Sister Roots moving into its second year of life, I realize the discomfort and unease many women feel around sisterhood. I feel it immediately when I share with women in the community what we're building. The skepticism, the confusion, the closure. We live in a masculine dominated world and the global values we place atop everything else, instilled in us a sense of isolation, competition and productivity obsession. We've gotten so far away from what's natural within us that we aren't able to notice it smacking us in the face.
Enter real sisterhood and meet a rootie:
Who is She, anyway?
A rootie wants to be seen, as they are, where they are, for all that they are.
A rootie is fundamentally whole and foundationally strong.
A rootie lives life in the driver's seat.
A rootie wonders about the world around them, curious and in awe of their surroundings.
A rootie accepts their personal power and shares through service.
A rootie believes transformation is possible.
A rootie is willing to get their hands dirty and make a mess in the process of creation.
A rootie is lit up by their imagination.
A rootie is fascinated by depths and complexities.
A rootie asks open questions and listens for varied responses.
A rootie holds oneself in tears with gentle hands.
A rootie takes responsibility for actions and accountability.
A rootie is made up of many different characters and expresses a multitude of moods.
A rootie knows resilience lies within.
A rootie inwardly experiences constant discovery and reflection.
A rootie chooses to be brave and does what is hard.
A rootie values engaged lifelong learning.
A rootie practices finding forgiveness, again and again.
A rootie has permission to play, to be pleased, to be potency.