The madness of perception, the illusions in reality, the pain and hurt twisted up in our desire to love each other, complicates the relationship arena for us humans. We have a hard time disassociating what we believe to be true about ourselves and the world, most of which we learned very early on, and with the necessity to protect ourselves from what was happening around us.
Every time someone leaves, communication disappears altogether, or is concealed, this old, well acquainted feeling arises. The feeling of being left all alone, without a clue as to why, reappears. I immediately become tiny Heather. Tiny Heather thinks that what her Dad did or didn't do will be what happens with everyone else she meets. Tiny Heather thinks it was her fault he left, something she did or should of done and has not yet realized that this was not about her, though it involved her.
These flashes from the past still rule our present until we decide to investigate. To take a closer look at why we behave in the ways we do toward our family members, our friends, our intimate relationships. Every single relationship you have with anything else will bring up your story, your baggage, your wounds. This is why the gossip, shit talking and insecurity epidemic has launched out of control. We have no idea who we are talking to and what they are saying to us.
Launching Sister Roots was a promise to myself, to hold what always deserved to be held, to commit to unwavering honesty and to do so in the name of community.
These days everything seems to be falling apart just as quickly as new things come together and I can feel tremendous shifts in my heart.
Not everyone is my dad.
Not everything I believe to be true because of his absence is true.
Not the way I thought it always was.
Time to take a better look.